Ultima Tissues?
by AngelicConquistador
Summary: What's this? Cloud in the girls' bathroom? Stealing toilet paper no less! Yuffie's appalled yet amazed at the same time. [crackish 1shot][slight clouffie][for Kai]


**Rei**: This came to me while I was at school a few weeks ago… strange huh? O.o I thought about this little idea all through my calculus test. XD;

**Dedicated to**: Kawaii Eyez, hope you like this crack fic!

**Disclaimer**- I do not own Kingdom Hearts nor do I own those funky Ultima Tissues toilet paper dispensers in the girls' bathrooms XD

**Summary**: What's this? Cloud in the girls' bathroom? Stealing toilet paper no less! Yuffie's appalled yet amazed at the same time. crackish! - oneshot - slight clouffie - for Kai

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**Ultima Tissues? A Clouffie One-shot**

"Speech"

'Thought'

The gang's new house, Radiant Garden XD-

Normal POV

It was a quiet but lovely day in Radiant Garden, with the sun shining bright and the clouds drifting high. It was warm and many of its inhabitants were spending their day outside enjoying the pleasant weather.

Except for one guy…

Cloud Strife was creeping- okay not really creeping but rather cautiously ducking around the halls and peering around corners of the house, checking for any enemies. The big sword on his back was a total giveaway, but lets ignore that part for now. However, he had one flaw- that he didn't know that we had Detective Yuffie on the case.

Yuffie had been following him for quite a while, using some new potion she stole from Merlin's house (much to his anger) she was now invisible. 'W00T!' She liked the potion already and Cloud hadn't even noticed her yet! Was it that bead of sweat running down his glistening skin, which showed he was too nervous to hear her?

Really, this was something new.

And as he went into one room and closed the door, Yuffie stared. Only one thought was going through her head…

'_WTF IS HE DOING IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM?!'_

(For the sake of the plot line working, there are at least two and one half bathrooms in their house. Yuffie and Aerith claimed one for themselves while Squall/Leon and Cloud got the other, and the half bathroom is in the downstairs part. Get it?)

She started hypothesizing to herself why he was in there- and to her disappointment the invisible potion died out- but she soon forgot about that. Maybe Cloud was hoping to catch one of them naked. Who wants to bet it was Aerith? Anyone? Haha, no. She smirked to herself. 'It has to be me.' But the thought of Cloud being a pervert was just odd. Whatever he was doing in there couldn't have been good; did someone use 'Confusion' on him? (**Is shot for pokemon reference**)

Well if he was thinking he could steal their nice fluffy green towels, or whatever it was he was in there… She had to stop him. The first thing she did was open the door (it wouldn't have much use to keep him out if it wasn't there anymore) and then make a dramatic entrance by saying, "CLOUD IS A PEEPING TOM!"

The effect was immediate- he jumped up, turned, saw Yuffie, groaned, and mumbled "go away Yuffie" but it sorta sounded like "gweh mway yushfie."

She would've laughed, but it was HER name, it was not meant to be disrespected! "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She asked him.

"Go away." This time he was clearer, but he was BLUSHING! Imagine that. Cloud was blushing. Give us all a little time to swoon. ……… Done yet? Good!

"No way! Why should I, when you, a male, are in our feminine area of non-disturbance?! If you didn't know, Cloud, this is the GIRLS bathroom. Not going uke on us are you?" She couldn't help but laugh at him. Cloud being uke would be like Cloud and Sephiroth having a tea party. … Now that she thought of it, that'd be pretty funny…

Cloud twitched while she was in her own little fantasy, and found what he was looking for. He snatched up the roll of toilet paper **gasp** and pushed past Yuffie and went outside.

She blinked. Cloud. Toilet paper. Cloud. And toilet paper.

"CLOUD, give us back our toilet paper!" She chased after him to find him holed up in his room. She banged on the door, and yelled, "Cloud, let me in! Or surrender the toilet paper!"

"No."

"But why?" She whined. That was their last roll too!

"I need it." Was his nonchalant answer.

"Well so do we! Go get your own toilet paper!"

"We don't have any more."

"… Unless you have to do your business, I'd say you could, but no. Give it back. Why are you using it in the first place?"

"I said that I needed it."

"For…?"

He sighed. He was getting tired of her little games. "Come in…" He unlocked the door, and Yuffie went inside happily.

'So this is what it looks like… it's awesome!' She thought. Then she turned to Cloud and saw him sitting on his bed, using the toilet paper to…

"Cloud, why oh why are you … bandaging your… big ass sword with our toilet paper?" The question said all. Cloud looked a little embarrassed at this question.

"I didn't have anything else to use."

… silence.

"Why didn't you just ASK?" Yuffie smacked her forehead in frustration. He was… such a dork sometimes!

"You wouldn't understand."

Now that's a statement that the author and Yuffie really hated, so Yuffie decided to get a little revenge…

"UNDERSTAND THIS!"

A punch, kick, a tackle, then a little scream, then muffled noises.

The next thing we see is a mummified Cloud (no, he doesn't have his insides removed nor is he dried up) glaring at a giggling Yuffie. "You know Cloud, I think wrapping you up is a lot more than wrapping up your sword, wouldn't you say? **♥"**

**Victory rules.**

End of Oneshot

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**Rei**: That was very odd… not really crackish at all! Well it doesn't seem like it to me… oh well. Please tell me if you like it or not! XD Also, forgive me for putting up new fics but I keep getting ideas in my head that don't go away unless I write them. Updates won't come for a while yet, sorry! Anyway, please review! 


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